Weekly Weigh-In

So Friday I weighed in again at 136.2. For the 3rd week in a row. I knew this weekend was going to be a write-off with camping. We only go once or twice a year and it always becomes an excuse to eat all sorts of junk food.

The weather has been so nice for so long and then of course as soon as we plan a camping weekend it pours almost the entire time!! My eldest daughter didnt care at all and had a blast playing from morning till night and only bothering to come in when her clothes were so soaked she needed to change. It was awesome to see cause she usually isnt like that.

My youngest daughter was not impressed. She does not like to get wet and we were threatening to get her a t-shirt that says "grumpy camper." This is her with her bottom lip stuck out because she had to sit outside...lol

Saturday was a bit of a disaster. It rained all day so it was hard to keep the kids entertained. Hanna always wanted to be in and Tegan always wanted to be out. I was super tired and no amount of coffee seemed to be able to get me going. It took both of us to look after the kids and so I couldnt get out for a run. Food-wise each meal I made progressively worse choices. Dinner was a pot-luck buffet and I just went so overboard. I ate until stuffed and then ate some more :(  

Sunday I got back on track. I ate a large breakfast while still camping but then we packed up and came home and I made smart choices the rest of the day. I even made a really yummy quinoa and shrimp salad for dinner.  I put my little one to bed at 7:30 and feel asleep in her bed with her. My husband woke me up at 8:45 and all I did was stumble from her bed into ours and went right back to sleep. Slept through till this morning. I was definitely tired!!

Today was a super busy work day because I have a new staff member that started. I spent the entire day training him. I'll actually spend the next two weeks training him which is great to have help but it messes with my schedule. I like to do weights at coffee break and run every lunch and I cant do that as much till he is trained up and functioning on his own. I did get out at lunch today: 0.5mile warm-up, 4 miles at 8:16, 0.5mile cool-down.  

Travelling for the next two days for work so I wont be able to run...grrr. 

Run, Run, Run...

Definitely starting to feel better and a bit more like myself these last two days. Yesterday I did a 10k trail run at lunch and that felt really good. 

Then I managed to sneak out to the running store and by some new runners. I walked in the store not sure if I was going to buy new ones but just see what they had for price. But as soon as I saw the new colors of my regular runners I knew I was sold...pink and blue. Which is the color of most of my running gear...

I love them! There goes $170... and with a new pair of socks and tax over $200!! Good thing I worked an OT shift on Saturday :) I feel like my 6 year old when she gets new shoes and immediately wants to race around in them :)

Now I just need to figure out how to explain to my husband why they were necessary...lol. Not that he'd really care, but non-runners dont understand :)

So today I was excited to get out and try them out. I was doing a short speed drill with the following paces:

I did my warm-up, 2 miles at 7:08mins/mile and then cool down. With an average pace for the whole run of 8:31.

I felt pretty good during and when I finished, but later my legs were pretty achy. I havent taken a rest day since Saturday and I'm starting to feel it! The new shoes were wonderful though and made me smile every time I looked down :)

I was also starving all day today!! I had an extra apple and bit of protein but I felt like I wanted to eat everything in sight!!  

We are headed camping this weekend which I know will be a bit of a food fest. I made campfire themed cupcakes for the potluck dinner we do at the campsite on Saturday :) 

I managed to make cupcakes and decorate them without consuming any of the chips, frosting or cupcakes! Save it for the weekend :)

Coping with loss...

Lots to get off my chest...

Sunday morning my kids were at my in-laws and I decided to take advantage of being able to run wherever I wanted and for however long I wanted. I headed out to Westwood Lake which is one of my favorite places to run. Its a 6km loop through the woods with beautiful views.

I was having a great run. The kind where you start comparing trail running to some sort of spiritual experience. I just felt calm and at peace and was totally enjoying the moment. I had planned to do 24km and near the end was debating doing a 5th loop and making it 30km 

On the 4th loop I got to the top of the bluffs to take a pic. 

I took a photo and realized I had missed a text from my mom saying she was in emergency with my step-dad. He has lung cancer and she messaged that he was deteriorating quickly. The text was from an hour and half earlier. I messaged her from the top of the hill and said I was heading up there (she lives a little over an hour away). She told me to come quick he was dying :(

I forgot to turn on my running app after that as I was just trying to get to the car as fast as possible. So my total run was closer to 15 miles. I made it about 20 mins before my mom called back to say he had died. I felt so guilty that I had missed the text, missed being there for her, missed the chance to give him a hug and say goodbye. 

 Wayne was my step-dad but he and my mom started together when I was about 20 and I no longer lived at home. He was quietly supportive and loving but most of all a wonderful Grampa to my girls. He loved them like they were his own.

(he was always taking them out on the boat)

Turns out his actual passing was very peaceful, moving and powerful. His brother and sister had made it there and after being kind of out of it for a while his eyes focused and locked onto my mom. She told him how much she loved him and how it was ok he could go now and she would be ok. Then he just closed his eyes and died. Pretty incredible really. I spent the day and night with my mom and other family came and went. We cried and hugged and laughed.  She is a strong woman and I know she will be ok, but it is tough to watch your mom in pain like that. All day people brought food and I ate and drank a ton in attempts to comfort myself. 

It was hard to leave the next day, but I had to come back to my kids and work.  My aunt came to stay with her and her best friend as well. I knew this moment was coming from when he was diagnosed 19 months ago. But it hit me way harder than I was expected. I cried the whole drive home. I got home and had to tell my 6 year old. More tears. She handled it with maturity and grace, stopping to wipe the tears off my cheeks...god I love her. She decided to channel her anger at the people who make cigarettes :) 

My in-laws messaged and asked if we wanted them to take the girls to the park for a bit, give us some time. I took them up on that and despite only getting a few hours sleep the night before I decided a run would do me good. I couldnt find matching socks and my legs were really hairy (lol) but I didnt give a shit. I just needed to get out. So I ran like this :) 

I listened to some David Gray and just ran to feel better. I find if I'm upset running helps me sort through my emotions and get it all out. I ran and cried and it was the release I needed to make it through the rest of the evening. I have never been much of a crier but I've also never had much experience with death.

Not a bad little run! 36km in 2 days is pretty good.

 I crawled into bed physically exhausted and emotionally drained. 

Today I was back at work. I was tired and melancholy. I ran with my running buddy who tried his best to be supportive but I was taking some of my pain out on him which wasnt really fair. It was a short run as we both werent really feeling it. 

I think it wasnt until the afternoon that I was able to shake off some of the hurt/anger I was feeling. Felt a bit more like myself after that. Ate totally on plan today though. I'm going to try and get in 6 miles tomorrow. 

Rest Day - Rec Patrols

Yesterday was a scheduled rest day and I actually had to work. The May long weekend is the first big camping weekend of the season and I often go out to check on the sites and see how they are doing. It was a long day of mostly driving...ugh. Took me over 8 hrs to visit them and then get back home. I'm always surprised at how exhausting a full day of driving can be even though you are just sitting there. Driving on logging roads though you definitely have to be aware the whole time of whats going on, no zoning out.

I had packed all my meals and snacks for the day. Since it was a rest day I was trying to keep it on the lower end of calories and had about ~1450. I dont usually ever go below 1650 (even though MFP tells me 1380!) so I'm not sure why I went that low. Maybe because I knew I would get no exercise. I headed out and was surprised at how dehydrated I felt. I drank 1.5L of water just on the way down and of course then had to stop at an outhouse at each site...lol.

Just before dinner I was at a site where the site operator had be slow roasting a pork roast all day on the beach. He came up to meet me carrying it on a platter and it was dripping in BBQ sauce. He insisted I have a piece and regardless of how many times I said no he cut me off a small chunk telling me I need to eat :)  So I headed off in the truck with this piece of BBQ pork in my hand and I swear it was the most delicious thing I have every eaten....my job has its perks lol!! No regrets on that one :) The rest of the day I stuck to my meal plan though so I think with the piece of pork I probably ended my day around 1650 which is what I usually aim for and on a Saturday no less! This weekend has been awesome for me calorie-wise.

Got home that night and just crashed. My kids stayed at my in-laws last night and I'm going to take advantage of being kid-free this morning. My training plan calls for 16-18km but I'm going to go hit the trails. Planning on doing closer to 24km :)

Weekly Weigh-In

Today was my official weigh-in day and I was 136.2 which is exactly where I was 2 weeks ago.  Here is my calorie breakdown:

I also just felt kinda down about about myself physically today...an off day I guess. I sent my husband this pic saying this is how I felt today...lol

Save-On Foods has a blood pressure and bf % machines.  I like to see where I'm at with those every month or so. 

My BMI is also within the healthy range (18-24). My bf% is a little higher than i'd like it to be though. I'd love to get down closer to 20%. Once I had analyzed calories and body fat %'s and scale numbers I decided that what all "feeling off body days" need is a good run :)

I am super lucky that I have a great little park right across the street from my work. Its small but it has a little over 1.5miles of twisting trails with a couple decent hills.  

 

The trails are very pretty and depending on the day I'll either do 3 loops so just over 4.5 miles or like today do 4 loops which is 6.2 miles. Running is great therapy :)

I got home and made a healthy dinner (Skinnytaste stuffed peppers) and got the kids to bed. 

Race Day Dreams

Last night I had an awful sleep. I coughed a whole bunch (I thought I was done with this cold!!). I spent some time banging around the two bathrooms and kitchen and couldnt find the cough syrup. I ended up coming out to the couch to sleep so I wasnt keeping my husband up. But, the couch blanket was downstairs in the wash from when my little one was puking so it was cold and not very comfy. I tried going back to bed around 3am but ended up coughing a bunch more. I finally fell asleep and had one of my frustrating race day dreams.

I often dream I show up to one of my races and I'm missing something important. But last nights dream just went on and on. I didnt have my phone, then I didnt have socks on, then I had these old man loafer shoes on that kept falling off, then I got a new bib number and I couldnt get it on, then I had the wrong phone! I remember actually thinking in my dream "I wish this was a bad dream!" So needless to say I woke up this morning feeling tired and a little out of it.

Work was super busy though so it kept me hopping all morning. I did my weights at morning coffee and then my running buddy and I were doing 5 miles at lunch. The goal was to do them at between 8:09-8:20. So I set up my iphone up with the following paces:

We were both super tired though and not sure how it was going to go. But we got out and felt great! I love "comfortably hard"! Its a pace that feels like I'm getting a good workout in, but I can still chat fairly easily throughout. I finished it on such a high!

Without the warm-up included we averaged 8:10 (yay!) and if you include the warm-up it was 8:20...I'm pleased with that!

Love my job!

Yesterday was so busy at work. It's just a crazy time of the year for me getting all the campsites ready for May long weekend. Regardless of all the work I dont skip my lunch hour runs. As part of my new half-marathon training program all my non-speed drill runs are to be done at between 8:09 - 8:20 mins/mile. I didnt have my phone with me yesterday so we just tried to run a "comfortably hard" pace where we were pushing ourselves but could still talk easily enough. We did 5 miles and when we got back to the office found that our pace was 8:24 so not bad for winging it :)

Today I flew to Texada Island for work. Its about a 20 mins flight in a 5 seater plane. I had to bring over some new outhouse seats for one of my site operators. The pilot had a laugh at my "luggage" saying its the first times he's ever flown any of those!

(outhouse parts...the glamorous side of my job)

I spent a good hour and half hiking around Shingle Beach Recreation Site with my site operator discussing his future plans for the site. 

(Shingle Beach)

Then I got back to the airport with a bit of time to kill so I went for another quick 2 mile walk. Not bad for a supposed rest day!! The pilot came back to pick me up and we flew to Powell River. Once we landed there he had to go in to the building to check in a couple more passengers. He left me alone in the place and I was reminded of the Robert Munsch book "Angela's Airplane"...I resisted the urge to push any of the interesting buttons though :) 

(plane selfies!)

We flew back home in the sun and I was reminded of what a great job I have and a commute like that is hard to beat!! I packed all my food and snacks for the day and ended the day under my calorie goal even though it was a rest day which was a bonus! Got home just in time to put the kids to bed. 

Monday

Monday was another tough day. I thought Hanna might be feeling well enough to go to daycare but no such luck. I took the day off work to stay home with her. I was feeling a little done with it all and trapped in the house. I couldnt wait to get her down for her nap to run on the treadmill and de-stress a bit. I put her down at her usually time and she just refused to fall asleep. I tried for an hour and half before giving up and getting her up. I was so frustrated cause I really wanted that downtime and felt like I really needed that run. 

I am a total morning person. I have lots of energy early on and by about 7pm I just crash and turn into a sloth. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've gone out in the evening to run after the kids go to bed. It just doesnt happen.  All day I reminded myself that a run would make me feel better and I could do it! I promised myself I didnt need to go far I just needed to get out. Get some fresh air, get rid of the feeling trapped and deal with the stress of a sick kid in a healthy manner.  I told my husband as soon as he got home how I was feeling and that I really wanted to get out for a run. Putting it out there so that I would be more likely to follow through. 

Then what I think sealed the deal was FB showed a picture from "on this day" in 2010 when I ran my first race ever. It made me reflect on how far I had come on this journey and how happy I am to have found this outlet that I love. 

I got the kids to bed, put some mellower music on my phone and headed out with no plan as to how far I would run. Within a mile I was feeling so good! It was the perfect temperature and the sun was just setting. I felt free and calm and had a great runners high going on. I felt proud of myself for getting out. At one point I was running along the train tracks and this guy was standing there having a snack and was not really phased by me running by. 

I couldnt believe it when the first couple miles my phone kept telling me I was doing under 8 min/miles without even trying really. I ended up doing just over 7 miles and came home because it was starting to get dark!

I felt so much better after finishing. Running is such good therapy :) I got home had a hot shower and fell sound asleep. My husband said he coughed all night and was worried he was keeping me up, but I was dead to the world :) 

  

Just keep swimming...

I woke up this morning thinking well yesterday was a bit write-off today has got to be better! Hanna woke up just as miserable though. She was whimpering about her tummy and bum hurting from the second she got up.

Then she threw up...all over me, the couch, herself...fun times!

I was hopeful that might be what she needed but no such luck. She cried all morning. It is so hard to listen to your baby saying "ow, it hurts" and not be able to make it go away. We also realized she hadnt pooped in a few days so the cramps were probably from constipation. I bought some prunes and tried to mix them in with a chocolate milk shake. It did not go over well...she totally clued in to my attempts at trickery and wouldnt eat it. She wouldnt drink or eat anything. At 12:30 I couldnt take it anymore and brought her to the walk-in clinic just to see what they had to say. The doctor checked her out and felt her tummy and said the only real issue he could see is that she was very dehydrated. He said to do whatever we could to get any type of liquids in her and if we couldnt get her drinking more within 12 hrs to take her to emergency for an IV.

I put her down for her afternoon nap but she couldnt sleep. She just tossed and turned and moaned. My husband rubbed her back while I snuck downstairs for 30 mins on the treadmill. I was looking for another outlet for stress instead of turning to food. I did 5 mins warm-up, 10 intervals of 1 mins ant 6 mins/mile and 1 min recovery, then 5 mins cool-down. I'm really liking this increase in speed drill pace. Its not actually that hard so totally I sign I needed to up my game :) 

(not bad for sneaking a quick workout in)

(I was trying to show how sweaty I was but it didnt really come through...lol)

I was doing my best to eat healthy and not repeat my mistakes from the day before. Hanna cried for another 2hrs and I just held her, rocked her and carried her around making sure she drank lots of water.  Finally things got "moving". What a difference. Once she had that relief she was a whole new child. Eating, playing, she had a fun bath and played with her sister...phew!

Total miles run this week: 36.32 miles! Not bad for a rough week...no legitimate rest day...but one hiking day and one run/walk on the treadmill.  

Long Run and Binge Eating

Yesterday was a tough day. My little one is still sick and as part of it she has stomach cramps. From the moment she woke up she was whimpering or crying. She didnt want to eat, we couldnt get her to take any medication. She just wants someone to hold her and rub her back. Its hard as a parent to watch your baby hurt and not be able to do anything about it.

Its also hard to handle the whining and crying for hours on end. She wanted a water, not this water cup the other water cup, she wants her blanket on her but not the way its currently on her, she wants a different show on, anytime something wasnt exactly the way she wanted it she cried. It was frustrating and exhausting. My husband got up after a while and I took my oldest on a quick walk around the lake nearby to get out of the house. That was a lot of fun. We walked the trails and had some one on one time. 

Then I went back home to deal with the little one. My husband was also sick and struggling to cope with his sickness and Hanna's neediness. So I decided to take her to the store with me to try and find some medication she would take. She was pretty funny in the grocery store telling people "we getting medicine...FOR MY BUM!" They only had liquid Tylenol and any attempts to get any in her she just spat it out. I got her down for her afternoon nap and decided to take the chance to get out for a run. It was 24 degrees out when I left so I slathered on the sunscreen and filled my water backpack. I didnt hold out too much hope for a great time in the heat but I lucked out with some cloud cover and was able to do a decent time for 10 miles. 

I got back to the house and we were trying to figure out whether to still go to my in-laws for dinner or if we should stay home. Hanna woke up from her nap even more miserable. Tegan was mad because we had said the girls could sleep over at their grandparents but had re-scheduled that due to Hanna being sick. Hubby and I were snapping at each other and it was not a happy time. We decided to go anyways just to get us all out of the house. 

We got there any Hanna just wanted me to hold her and rock her the hold time. My in-laws brought out the Prosecco and some chips and I drank a couple glasses quite fast and snacked. They made us a lovely dinner but it was hard to enjoy because Hanna didnt want to be put down and then T didnt want to eat and she felt sick too. I ate more than I needed and had another glass of champagne. We got home and my husband and I were feeling frustrated with the kids and each other. It was a hard day to deal with and we were at the end of our ability to cope. I was on bedtime duty (we alternate) so I read them their stories and got them settled. It took Hanna a long time to fall asleep. She whimpered from her crib for a while and we traded off who would go in and rub her back. Finally after about an hour she was asleep. 

I should have just gone to bed. I'd had chips, 3 drinks, dinner and dessert already. But rough days with my kids can be such a trigger. Food can be such a coping mechanism. I told myself I "deserved" to eat whatever I wanted after such a rough day. I snacked even more and had another drink. Then went to bed with a sore tummy :( I logged all my food this morning and looks like around 4500cals.  The hardest part after binge-ing is the mind games the next day. Feeling frustrated at myself and craving more junk. I've learned you cannot punish yourself by depriving or it will just backfire. I cant even try and reduce my calories for a few days or that will be enough to trigger me again. I just need to shake it off and pretend it never happened. Which is hard to do. 

 I am proud of myself for logging it all though on MFP.  I promised myself when I started doing this that good or bad I would put it all in so I could really understand my eating habit and calories consumed/burned. It also puts things in perspective for me. Eating 4500 calories especially on a day I burned 1200 would only lead to a max gain of 0.5lb. In the grand scheme of things 136.8 is not much different than 136.2. It can be disheartening to step on the scale after going off the rails and see myself up 4lbs, but I need to remind myself that that is my body full of food and water weight. 

wow this is a rambling post...today is a new day. 

Weekly Weigh-In and Race List

Friday mornings are my weekly weigh-ins. But I knew that the scale was going to show me as up for a number of reason. Time of the month, lack of sleep the night before and the cold medication I'm on. All 3 of these things tend to make me retain water. So when I weighed in at 137.8 (up 1.6lbs) I wasnt surprised and I dont think its a legit weight gain. I'm just holding out till next week to get a more accurate number as to where I am. Being a woman is a pain in the ass sometime. Especially during weight loss when TOM totally messes with you!

(bahahaha...this totally made me lol)

I decided during my extended time indoors yesterday that I would make a list compiling all my races and race times. I had so much fun...I am such a nerd! But I love seeing it all laid out like that and the progress I've made. Its very motivating! I need to add more to the list!! :)

Sick kids and running for drinks :)

Yesterday I was home with sick kids. This time it was my little one who was down for the count with a high fever. She spent most of the day sleeping on the couch and telling me in this sad little voice "I no feel well." I had plans to take them for a picnic walk in the woods but I couldnt even get Hanna into the backyard without her falling asleep there. 

(poor sick little boo)

During one of her naps I decided I should get some exercise in even. But I had been up a lot the night before coughing and didnt have much energy. So I told myself that if I wanted two drinks tonight which is 420 calories I should burn that off regardless of speed. So I just did whatever I felt like. Mixing it up with walking on an incline, running slow, running fast, walking and texting...lol. 

At just past 40 mins I hit that magic number and felt great. It didnt take that much energy and I felt good earning those drinks :) And I wasnt going to do a minute longer! :) I also promised myself if I got my exercise in I could go relax in the sun for a bit so I went and did that next.

(running for drinks!!)